"Don't you ever get tired of coding everything in Python?"
"Do you ever get tired of saying everything in English?"
A beat. In unison: "Yes."
Category Archives: Uncategorized
Missing Words VI
We need different words for apology in the sense of "I'm sorry; I won't do it again," and apology in the sense of "I'm sorry that this lowers your utility, but not sorry enough to actually change the behavior in question; maybe we could negotiate some other behavior change that might partially make up for it." Both can be sincere, but they mean different things.
Speculative Etymology IV
vaguely disappointed that the shebang line probably doesn't come from the whole shebang or vice versa
An Exercise for the Writer-Pretendant
You don't want to write today. If you don't want to write today, you won't want to write tomorrow. Show that you will never write anything. (Hint: induction.)
Last Friday Night
it's a blacked-out blur, but I'm pretty sure
* * *
$ heroku create
Creating howling-nightmare-4505... done, stack is cedar
http://howling-nightmare-4505.herokuapp.com/ | git@heroku.com:howling-nightmare-4505.git
Git remote heroku added"Did they—did they change their random words dictionary for Halloween?"
* * *
-----> Python app detected
-----> Installing runtime (python-2.7.8)"What?! No! What are you doing, you crazy machine?!"
* * *
$ echo "python-3.4.1" > runtime.txt
$ g a .
$ gco -m "the month of July 2010 called and wants their programming language back"* * *
< What are you spinning up the box for?
> it's Friday night
< How does that lead to box spinning?
> previous message was an attempt at humor, as if to suggest that I'm the sort of person for whom deploying a web application fulfills a similar purpose as some sort of wild social event with drugs might for some others, about which they might offer a similarly vacuous "explanation"
* * *
it ru-uled
Cloud Computing in the Small
I want you to consider the indignity of sitting on the train pondering the philosophy of linear functions of a single variable, not because you enjoy being reminded about being the kind of frail, helpless creature that needs hundreds of millions of microseconds to compute trivialities that any actual person would tell you come as naturally as breathing or mitosis, but because you want the website you're writing to have one of those adorable tag clouds and you need to tell the device what font sizes to use.
Friday Night Lies
"I am a practical man," I said calmly and confidently to no one in particular while sitting down to an easy-mode round of the new tower defense game where the bad ponies are the good ponies and the good ponies are the bad ponies, "I have created no less than X times 276 divided by 365 dollars of economic value this year, and I don't believe in karma, sin, or willpower depletion."
On Schedule
gonna get ready for my d8
my d9
it feels like you should be able to spell date with a numeral, but
no, wait
I think the first one actually works
Pumpkin Spice!
It's September in the first year of my life (that I feel comfortable admitting to), and I feel great—the mounting success or arguably-not-yet-failure of my professional, intellectual, and—other goals is complemented splendidly by a muted but nonetheless genuine appreciation of the subset of nature's cyclic harmonies that I'm capable of perceiving: the air is getting slightly less warm, the sun is setting slightly earlier, and the hacks by which the retailers separate us from our money have changed completely.
In particular, the American coffee hegemon has started offering its "pumpkin spice" medicinals again, and my esteemed colleague Alexander Corwin has been blogging about drinking them despite/because hating them, so as a loyal client of the hegemon (measured by spending habits; the market gods only accept sacrifices of time and money, and don't care what you say or believe), of course I have to accompany him to the hegemon's outpost on fourth street that I go to frequently (typically bringing the personal cup I got at BABSCon, and the barista H. insists on giving me a brohoof every time), but the day before was no good, because Alexander apparently needed his sweetener/caffeine medicinal while I was busy pairing with our CEO on our new lead pipeline and bought his traditional Diet Coke instead.
Worth
"I still feel bad about being the worst person at my job."
"You don’t mean worst person. People all have an equal intrinsic moral worth that has nothing to do with their economic role in society. You mean something more like, 'perhaps less skilled than some others at some job tasks'."
"No, that’s pretty much what I meant by worst person."
A Line of Code I Haven't Found an Excuse to Use Yet
(defn intentional-mispelling? [sic]Don't Get Your Loyalty Trapped
Opportunity
Comes in the mail
Opportunity
Comes in the mornings and
Opportunity
Shows everyone
The futility of company loyalty
Get it out, get it out, get it out, get it out
Honest dealings doesn't mean you show your feelings
[...]
You said
"He was the phoniest"
I said
"You are erroneous"
You said (hey!)
"He never called you back
Check that you're out for the check (ye-eah)
Don't get your loyalty trapped
Don't get your loyalty trapped"
A Thanksgiving in June
Sitting on the green couch, eating cheese ravioli and sipping an allegedly peach-tea-flavored energy drink, admiring my brand-new wireless router and fresh installation of Xubuntu 14.04, I make a deliberate decision to drop to my knees in a song of praise which says, "God bless America!"—and if some not-yet-forgotten ghost or subroutine of intellectual integrity has me quickly disclaim that God is but a metaphor and America a metonym for concepts much less familar and perhaps slightly sinister, I don't think it makes the prayer any less heartfelt.
Where I Stand
(firmly on one side of the fine and yet distinctly perceptible line between "I've got mine; fuck you" and "I've got mine, and I hope that you get yours, but I'm far too ignorant of the relevant sciences to say which interventions would make this more or less likely")
Lexicographic
"Here's a draft of the new sign-up form."
"... I like it. Only one question: I'm just curious, but why did you put the Female radio button first?"
"Alphabetical order."
Standard Advice
"So? What do you think I should do?"
"Hm. I think you should start with all computable universes weighted by simplicity, disregard the ones inconsistent with your experiences, and maximize expected utility over the rest."
"That's your answer to everything!"
The Emissary Who Will Bring Disunity
It's like everyone thinks they belong
Like everyone thinks they agree
Like everyone thinks they can strike up a cause
With one half of humanity
But I think I can show that they're wrong
Their consensuses all disagree
I'm as spry as can be
I'm the emissary
Who will bring disunity
I will bring disunity
Lower Decks
Another way you can tell that you're the worst person at your job is when you play the "If This Were a Starfleet Operation, What Rank and Division Would Everyone Have?" game and you're not tempted to make anyone else an ensign.
Behind Schedule
gotta wr8
gotta wr9
it feels like you should be able to spell write with a numeral
but I guess
you can't
A Short Story
"Seriously, what kind of asshole writes the phrase conditional on the hypothesis that when the word if would do?"
"Well ..." I said.