An Algorithmic Lucidity - fiction

The Parable of the Scorpion and the Fox

Zack M. Davis — Sun, 26 Jul 2020 22:12:00 -0700

In the days of auld lang syne on Earth-that-was, a scorpion was creepy-crawling along a riverbank, wondering how to get to the other side. It came across an animal that could swim: some versions of the tale say it was a fox, others report a quokka. I'm going to assume …

The Parable of the Honest Man and the Thing

Zack M. Davis — Wed, 05 Oct 2016 18:26:00 -0700

"I really want to do the thing! All of my friends who are just like me are doing the thing, and they look like they're having so much fun!"

"You can totally do the thing! You just have to sign ... this loyalty oath!"

(reading it) "What? I can't sign this …

"Living Well Is the Best Revenge"

Zack M. Davis — Fri, 13 May 2016 05:00:00 -0700

My enemies do not deserve to suffer, because no sentient creature deserves to suffer.

My enemies deserve good, human lives. I imagine them happily married and living in nice houses in the suburbs with spacious, well-kept lawns, and whatever took the place of white picket fences after white picket fences …

This Has Always Been the Year

Zack M. Davis — Fri, 01 Jan 2016 05:00:00 -0800

At a quarter past eight on the first Monday of the new year, the yellow line on the way to the city has just passed Orinda. A young man is standing in the bicycle priority area near the doors, reading a paper magazine. Write Your Novel in 2016! is the …

Naughty List

Zack M. Davis — Thu, 24 Dec 2015 05:00:00 -0800

(examining a Christmas card and enclosed document, frowning) "I think my Uncle Benny is mad at me."

"Why?"

"Well, every Christmas since me and my brother were kids, instead of getting us toys or cash as gifts, Uncle Benny would give us some kind of financial instrument, like a savings …

T.O.P.

Zack M. Davis — Wed, 22 Apr 2015 05:00:00 -0700

"Don't worry, we've got our T.O.P. engineer working on it," said the support man on the phone with our most important customer, glancing meaningfully across the open-plan office in my direction; I winced briefly, then spasmed back towards my screen and fumbled with the keyboard, intending to return …

Coffee Names

Zack M. Davis — Sun, 23 Nov 2014 18:24:00 -0800

"Hi, could I have a grande vanilla iced-coffee?"

"And your name?"

"Zack."

"Is that Zach with an ch or Zack with a ck?"

"You know, I've even seen it done with just a c. But really, isn't this what we have regular expressions for?"

"What?"

"May I?"

The barista hands …

Telling Her There

Zack M. Davis — Wed, 17 Oct 2012 05:00:00 -0700

"And so," said Synthia, "if you feel too self-conscious to write an email, if you don't know what to say or are afraid of saying the Wrong Thing, it might help to lower your quality standard and just start typing as if it were realtime communication, and edit later. It's …

Lies and Delusion

Zack M. Davis — Mon, 23 Jul 2012 18:43:00 -0700

One day, two philosophers were dining in a restaurant. "There's no such thing as lying," said the first philosopher to his companion. "Anytime someone speaks falsehood, it must be the case that they are merely deluded, or that part of them is, for the love of truth is so essential …

The Morality of Ringing a Bell

Zack M. Davis — Wed, 04 Jul 2012 00:15:00 -0700

"Synthia, I want your opinion on something," said Quiana.

"You will have it."

"Is it wrong to enjoy ringing a bell?"

"Pardon me?" said Synthia.

"I said," said Quiana, "is it wrong to enjoy ringing a bell?"

"I heard you the first time," said Synthia irritably, "but I presume the …

Dialogue Concerning Birthdays

Zack M. Davis — Wed, 28 Dec 2011 16:08:00 -0800

"Happy birthday, Synthia!"

"Why," mused Synthia, "do we celebrate birthdays? I fail to see anything special about the calendar day on which a person's age-in-calendar-years passes an integer. Are things supposed to be different now that it's been seven-point-five-seven-four times ten-to-the-eighth seconds since my birth, rather than seven-point-five-seven-three?"

Quiana suppressed …