# Apostasy

Originally published: 2016-07-25
Canonical URL: /2016/Jul/apostasy/

_I should have listened to my model of Aaron Burr_, I think in the oneiric methodlessness of my nightmare as the first bullet enters my back. It's _not fair_ that everyone else gets to have all the fun in what they erroneously believe to be their post–involuntary-gender utopia, whereas I'm stuck being _that guy_ pointing out all the cracks in the _papier-mâché_ sky. I never _wanted_ to be—here I hesitate for a moment wondering whether to use an indefinite or the definite article—the guy. No one does. (A second bullet enters my abdomen. A beam of radiation whitens a simple plough.) Why should I be punished for not being delusional about the reason?