# The Morality of Ringing a Bell

Author: Zack M. Davis
Originally published: 2012-07-04
Category: fiction
Tags: morality
Canonical URL: https://zackmdavis.net/blog/2012/Jul/the-morality-of-ringing-a-bell/

"Synthia, I want your opinion on something," said Quiana.

"You will have it."

"Is it wrong to enjoy ringing a bell?"

"Pardon me?" said Synthia.

"I said," said Quiana, "is it wrong to enjoy ringing a bell?"

"I heard you the first time," said Synthia irritably, "but I presume the question is prompted by some context you have not yet told me, a context I would need to know to provide you with the best answer I can give."

"There's a fast-food place near the campus," Quiana explained, "and next to the door, there's a bell that you can ring by pulling a cord, and a sign that says, 'If Your Visit Was Swell, Ring the Bell.'"

"And I suppose you're telling me that you go to this restaurant solely for the purpose of getting to ring the bell?"

"Maybe not _solely_, but yes! I can't think of _any_ other situation where it would be socially acceptable to ring a bell in public. But here, the sign _asks_ you to do it, and that makes it okay." She frowned. "Except," she added, "I even ring it on the occasions that my visit _isn't_ swell."

"In your defense," said Synthia, "the sign doesn't suggest that you shouldn't. Otherwise it would have said, "Ring the bell if _and only if_ your visit was swell."

"That's nice of you to say, but you know as well as me that interpreting the the English language _if_ as a material conditional is at least problematic, especially given that there's no special reason to expect that the sign-writer understood propositional logic."

"True. But why would it be wrong to enjoy ringing the bell?—you must have a reason to suspect as much, or you wouldn't be asking the question. Is it that you don't want to reward the restaurant for ruthlessly exploiting your love of bells?"

"No, just the opposite! I'm worried that _I'm_ being exploitative! The bell has a clearly-defined purpose: to let the employees know that your visit was swell."

"I think they'd prefer a tip."

"Of course. But the managers didn't give them a tipjar; they put out a _bell_, and I'm using the bell for spurious purposes! Isn't that _wrong_?"

"Quiana, I don't know why you bother asking _me_ about your moral dilemmas; you know I don't have the kind of respect for Authority and Society that you do. I could walk you through costs and benefits: benefits to you of ringing the bell, possible costs to other diners who don't want their meal interrupted by a bell, mild appreciation of your apparent appreciation on the part of the employees, benefits to the restaurant owner for patronizing their business—but none of these observations will help you, because your morality isn't _about_ facts that can be observed or computed from things that can be observed. Your morality is based on finding the 'correct' interpretation of verbal rules you read or heard. But if there _isn't_ a uniquely preferable interpretation, if the words fail to capture the structure of reality, you get an unresolvable dilemma."

"And that's the reason you can't answer my question?"

"No, that _was_ my answer."